The Nigerian Police is your Friend? Dear Friends, the Nigerian Police is on a killing spree; no one is safe. You could be shot at any time and nothing would happen.

 We live in a lawless country and we must all appreciate the situation.

Please, however aggrieved you are, no matter how right you feel you are, you must adopt some survival techniques in Nigeria when you encounter the Nigerian Police; MOPOL, SARS, DSS:

1. Quickly abandon your Fundamental Human Rights; you've got no rights in the real sense. The Constitution has fraudulently taken away your rights. Pay no mind to the Chapter 4 of the Constitution; it's a lie. Just forget your rights
2. Be nice...without groveling, just be nice. Even when you're sufficiently provoked, crack jokes and keep telling them "we are one" or "you're my brother" or "I like your uniform". Say nice things, okay? Please!
3. Even when you're in the wrong, and they demand money, explain nicely. Tell your story and offer to do some ridiculous things for them like washing their car in lieu of money or something...they might just let you go...
4. In a lonely area on the road or express, absolutely forget that you're a free man. Tell them how they're doing a good job protecting the society and how secure you feel
5. Do not go to the police to make any entry! Even if someone gave you a mind-resetting slap or stole your TV; just count it as "one of those things" Or solve your problem on the street!
6. When the police stops you, biko stop! Wind down, turn down the volume of your stereo and say "my brother, how body? How the weather? Why you dey sweat like this sef? Oya, take 200 naira for bottled water...that kain thing
7. For Night Crawlers or Club Freaks, always keep some canned drinks in your vehicle. Once you're stopped at night, part with a thousand here or a few canned drinks there. The police knows you spent considerable funds in the club and expect something. Be a good sport and keep a little aside for them
8. For regular travellers, change about 3k into new 100s and 200s. When a checkpoint is proving like it would be difficult, give a piece as token
9. At night, please put on the inner lights as you approach them and dim your lights. This has been saving lives since Mohamed was last seen on a motorcycle
10. If you must make a video of police harassment, please do it very discreetly. If you must make a call or record the conversation, be discreet. You would live.

Be nice always; the police is your "friend" from the left. Be smart and stay alive! They've got a constitutional right to kill you; avoid being killed....

...and thank you, don't mention! Glad to see you alive!


By Baron Roy

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